1. The Boston Red Sox won today, and the hated New York Yankees lost. Boston’s magic number to eliminate the Bronx Bombs is down to 61. The Yankees are twice as close to last place (three games in the loss column) as they are to first place (six games). It’s a great time—maybe the best time of all—to be a Yankee hater.

2. The best teams in Major League Baseball at the All-Star break are the Los Angeles Angels and the Chicago Cubs. Both teams are 57-38 (.600). That would make a great World Series. The Cubs would lose, of course. Steve Bartman‘s watch would temporarily blind Alfonso Soriano in the ninth inning of the seventh game, causing Soriano to drop a routine fly ball. Bartman would thereupon be torn to pieces by other Cub fans, some of whom, consumed with rage, would eat his body parts.

3. My adopted Texas Rangers gave up 11 runs and 22 hits this afternoon in the brutal heat and humidity of Arlington. Luckily for Ranger fans, the Rangers scored 12 runs. The Rangers won four of seven games on the homestand against the Angels and the Chicago White Sox, both of whom lead their divisions. I can’t wait to watch Ian Kinsler, Michael Young, Josh Hamilton, and Milton Bradley in Tuesday’s All-Star game. Get ready to make predictions: the winning team, the score, the Most Valuable Player, and the number of times A-Rod chokes.